ARCHIVAL UPDATES: WARREN SMITH'S AUTHENTIC DICTIONARY OF CB

Breaker, breaker! Warren Smith's Authentic Dictionary of CB is now available to read and download at archive dot org! This marks the title's digital debut.

Get hip to all the trucker lingo:

Study up on the rules and regs:

And don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

Courtesy Award Books, 1976.

SECRETS OF THE PYRAMIDS REVEALED by Robert K. Moffett

By now, it may have become apparent that doctorates carry substantial weight among the nonconformist schools of pyramid study. In fact, academic titles abound to a point where it is hardly paranoid to conclude that they are used for the purpose of impressing the reader with the author’s scholarship. But do they not also imply a promise that the scholarship in the books will be sound?

Perhaps a more accurate title would have been Secrets of Pyramidology Revealed? Author Robert K. Moffett teases us with a pointless introduction in a style that seems to have been de rigueur for skeptical works in the '70s: dressing up your critical work like it's just another mystery mongering meatloaf volume. Moffett mentions Karel Drbal and his razor sharpening pyramids, Psychic Discoveries Behind the Iron Curtain, and Uri Geller - but none of these are relevant for the rest of the book. Moffett's actual text is about how we got here, to the pyramid mania of the '70s, through a history of the theories of the original pyramidologists. It's a crash course on writers like John Taylor and Howard Vyse (and their precursor John Greaves), fine tuners like Piazzi Smyth, and then bandwagon jumpers on up to the 20th century and the modern day. 

Moffett gives context on why specific writers were interested in certain aspects of the pyramids, and how oftentimes their facts and figures had less to do with the actual stones in the sand than with contemporary religious and political struggles:

At this point, Taylor was sure he had had a revelation, for this was a matter of keen topical interest.

The metric system, developed in France, had by this time spread throughout the Continent, and there was agitation both from the scientific community and export-conscious manufacturers to adopt it in Great Britain. But there was a strong British resistance movement largely based on religious grounds. The French Revolution, with its strong anticlerical bias, had aroused grave misgivings in Britain, and the metric system was closely identified with it. As originally proposed, the metric conversion had involved switching to a ten-day week. Genesis made it perfectly clear that the Lord endorsed the seven-day week. That, after a period of trial, the French themselves had abandoned the decimal week was immaterial. If, in this, the original thinking had been contrary to the Will of God, the entire system was suspect.

Now Taylor could perceive the true function of the Great Pyramid: It was not by chance that the pyramid used the British system of weights and measures. Rather, it was a compendium incorporating the original, Divinely inspired system which had survived in Britain. The Great Pyramid was a message passed down to modern times to strengthen the wills of the anti-metric faction.

The search for cosmic truths collapses inward! Moffett writes with a dry humor, respectfully conveying various crank ideas but occasionally popping an especially ridiculous balloon such as in the case of psychic gadfly Edgar Cayce:

In terms of both current popularity and sheer volume, the most important of the clairvoyants to have contributed to the story of Atlantis was Edgar Cayce who, despite the widespread belief in his ability to communicate across the barrier between this and the afterworld, hasn’t been heard from since his death in 1945.

Once we've completed our journey with Moffett from Ancient Egypt to 19th century Europe to 20th century America, we might be able to say we've learned something about human thought and frailty.

Tempo Books gifts us a few typos here and there, but at least they also give us a picture spread in the middle with lots of vintage images. Moffett, a class act, also gives us a bibliography:

Moffet has a few other books available, including one coauthored with (presumably) his wife - not the title you'd think though! Their shared author blurb says that "Robert and Martha Moffett are both editors as well as published writers. Mr. Moffett's introduction to the animal kingdom was as a snake farmer."

Pyramid Power now and forever! This title is available to read and download at archive dot org.

Tempo Books, 1976

DEATH OF A THIN-SKINNED ANIMAL by Patrick Alexander

British screenwriter and novelist Patrick Alexander has brought the battered and betrayed assassin Abbott back home after a failed contract on Njala, a fictional African dictator modeled on Idi Amin. Now Abbott's superiors must scramble to ensure that Abbott doesn't make good on his mission and ruin a new trade deal with Njala, who's suddenly worth more to them alive than dead.

Njala has Amin's personality, with a few fictional flourishes: the nation he rules has been moved to West Africa, and gifted with substantial uranium reserves. It's this radioactive bounty that has resulted in the cancellation of Abbott's mission and the newly budding friendship between Njala and the UK.

Compared to the ripped-from-the-headlines fury of Target Amin by James Konrad, Alexander's use of Njala/Amin is somewhat restrained. That opening text about the AR-15 promises a lot of blood and guts, but much of the story is taken up by dithering from Abbott's spymasters, a mass of men with titles like the Controller and names like Smith, and their attendant secretaries/mistresses/wives. There's too much domestic drama around this, and Abbott's relationships too. Alexander never quite goes for the throat action-wise, and as Abbott and his former bosses feint and counter feint it all starts to feel like a very British farce - that's not unintended by Alexander, but the end result is somewhat toothless. When we finally get to the showdown between Abbott and Njala, the story picks up and the energy crackles, but it's too little, too late. Alexander also writes his villain Njala better than his protagonist Abbott, who we spend much more time with.

Despite my quibbling, Alexander's novel was a hit, it seems, with multiple editions:

The cover art is all a little generic (the bird on the hardcover is a nice touch, though), while the main cover art for this review makes the story look like some kind of James Bond caper. The book was also adapted into a popular 1981 French film titled La Professionnel, starring BELMONDO:

With music by Ennio Morricone, too!

The book review blog Olman's Fifty also reviewed this title back in 2013, giving high marks for suspense but criticizing the soppy love story. Meanwhile, a Kirkus review from 1977 is even less forgiving, calling it "just another Whitehall black-sheep story with slightly more flesh on the bones and slightly less blood on the pavement."

My verdict? Alexander sadly misses the mark one too many times, leaving Death of a Thin-Skinned Animal with a disappointing 2/4 rating. Njala and Abbott deserved a better stage.

This title is available to read and download at archive dot org.

Jove Books, 1979 (original pub. 1976)

BLACK WORK by Macdowell Frederics

Ted Griffin is a mercenary pilot in dire need of a job ... the mysterious "Fourth of July" organization are in dire need of a hotshot pilot ... and America is in dire need of a wake up call in BLACK WORK!

Frederics' first person writing as Griffin is engaging, but unfortunately the most interesting part of the story is the roman à clef over who we come to realize are thinly veiled versions of Ronald and Nancy Reagan, throwing their all into a white supremacist terror plot to assassinate the first black vice president! There's some more details which point to a mixing of some other classic Hollywood stars, especially in the Nancy character of "Lynette Hall," who's a patriotic country music star on top of being a nympho. True to Ronnie's life, his "Craig Norse" character is just a cat's paw himself, an intermediary between the Fourth of July org and whoever's pulling the strings at the top. There's also a little John Wayne in Norse, but mostly it's Reagan the simpering chickenhawk has-been who fills in the character.

Hero merc Ted Griffin's unraveling of the plot takes too long, and the whole reason the bad guys supposedly need his unique pilot expertise seems overblown. There's only so many times Griffin can stalk around the underground lair looking for clues or get chewed out as expendable by the baddies before it becomes repetitive. Developments around the CIA are intriguing but similarly padded out. The novel comes in at under 250 pages, but could have been even slimmer. Frederics ends on a realistic, downer note that does feel earned, but there's just too much dross getting there.

This contemporary review by the NYT says that Frederics was a pseudonym for some "serious writer." Maybe they didn't want their name on a book where (spoilers here) Ronald Reagan gets blown away after shouting the n-word ... Black Work earns 2/4 stars for some interesting plays amid pedestrian plotting. Great title, too.

This title is available to read and download at archive dot org.

Signet Books, 1977 (original pub. 1976)

 

COSMIC DEBRIS: Pyramid Water Bed

"We make no claims that our bed could make you live to be a thousand. That all remains to be seen. However, if our bed helps you to live a healthy life cycle of 115 years it is well worth the investment." And if you don't live to 115, how are you going to complain? The price tag alone is enough to give you a heart attack though ...

It's all backed by pyramid monger Dr. Patrick Flanagan, a man with a lot of experience in, well, let's call it "innovative" ways of unleashing pyramid power .

From Probe the Unknown magazine, Vol. 4 - No. 6, November 1976.

PREDICTIONS FOR 1976 compiled and edited by Warren Smith

San Antonio: a huge tornado, fires and Mexican Americans and blacks taking over!

Australia and New Zealand will have a problem!

Watch Glenn Ford do it again!

The next President will be George Wallace!

Warren Smith returns with a roster of psychics, minus a few names here and there from last year. The biggest loss is gay witch Leo Martello, no longer here to make canny "predictions" about the CIA. Instead we have psychic sleuth Beverly C. Jaegers predicting that "the CIA will be blamed for everything from food shortages and coffee prices to small takeovers in Southern Hemisphere countries, with no basis in fact." She's the one with the big, bold idea that Australia and New Zealand will have "a problem," too, so nothing gets past her!

Dr. Gil E. Gilly also returns with another beefy chapter full of cheerful nonsense, and you gotta hand it to him for putting it all out there with "predictions" like these:

The mammoth economic growth we’ve witnessed by Japan is going to be surpassed by a physical growth, not in number but in size and stature. This will be shown to be caused by the atomic pollution of the waters and food they eat.  

I believe Gerald Ford is going to run for President with Rockefeller as his running mate. I don’t see him winning, but if he should he'll step down afterwards and Rockefeller will run the country. You know who I see winning? Wallace. Not that I want him to, but that’s who I see winning.

Gilly also says 1976 will be the year for aloe vera, "a Hawaiian plant that's a sure cure for baldness," and also goes into detail about a "Telecheck system" that will monitor seniors for their own safety. It seems like a third of the predictions in this book are technowonders like this, another third are safe "gimme" predictions like "trouble in the Middle East" and Glenn Ford becoming even more popular due to his massive talent and charisma, and the final third are nuclear war, race riots, plague, death, and so on. Gilly doesn't disappoint here with runaway plague and fungus, and a campaign in Zaire to "can and sell human meat!" On the plus side, "Dinah Shore will have her recipes manufactured and distributed on the frozen foods market," hopefully sans long pork!

Glenn Ford (1916-2006) in the epic Midway, 1976

Our pal Doc Anderson does his thing too and also says that he sees "George Wallace is destined to be the President of the United States" ... and that Doris Day will be offered several TV specials! Allene Cunningham says that George Wallace will present us an "amazing and sincere" program for how to clean up America ... I'm starting to have some questions about these psychics!

Allene Cunningham (1921-2016) on the job. I've got my eye on her!

There's a lot of talk of "earth changes" a la Edgar Cayce, and of Atlantis rising. Jackie O's marital status is debated, as is John Wayne's health and Dick Cavett's image as a family man - though Sharon Naccarato beileves that this won't have an effect on his standing. To think we missed out on Dick Cavett's blue era ...

Smith's Predictions series has always been a mix of big B-names in the psychic scene like Irene Hughes and Tenny Hale, and relative nobodies like the anonymous Aquarius, a doctor in the Midwest who wants to keep his ESP under wraps. Maybe the biggest name Smith scored for this year is "the PK Man" himself, Ted Owens, who, despite Smith's usual disclaimer against using these volumes for financial advice, tell us to sell all our stocks and bonds and basically keep cash in hand! 

Ted Owens (1920-1987)

Ted sees bad news all over, with UFOs "kicking the slats" off of Texas and Nevada, with Florida, California, and Illinois also facing some dark future. If only Nixon had listened to Ted:

Years ago I wrote fo President Nixon (excuse the expression) and offered to organize all the great psychics in the land. I’d get Geller, Dixon, Doc Anderson, Gypsy Markoff (Countess Amaya), Hurkos, and others in the psychic field together as one superpsychic team. We'd help guide the United States through times ahead. The government would put up salaries for these top psychics so they would not want. They could devote their energies and time to helping the United States. This superpsychic team would be invaluable to the United States! Now, each psychic is helping an individual here or there with psychic powers. But the total picture would be much better if the psychics banded together to become a powerful psychic force.

Psychic Mark Vito predicts women giving birth to starseeds in 1976, though he avoids that exact term. His brief entry is mostly focused on UFOs and starseeds, which makes sense given he was a contactee:

“My second contact occurred on March 19, 1975,” reported Mark. “I received the following message, which was given to me by mental projection: ‘United States founded by Higher Beings, extraterrestrials. Study the Great Seal of the United States on reverse side of dollar bill. Our messengers responsible for its design. We are the Flying Eagle. Thirteen of us responsible, as shown by the thirteen stars above Eagle. Washington, Adams, Franklin, Jefferson, Madison, a few of our coworkers. Divine Plan in operation. We bring you sweet tidings of great joy. This is the beginning of remarkable golden goodness. You have no idea of the magnitude of our work. The Great Seal of United States appears on our ships.'"

There's gotta be over a thousand predictions in this volume, although again many are safe bets and generic guesses. But for the out-there observations, of nuclear war and super-pills, of celebrity love and death, of President George Wallace and mass UFO disclosure, we'd have to wait for 1976 to pass us by to see ...

Predictions For 1976 is available to read and download at archive dot org.

Award Books, 1975