STAR FORCE by Robert E. Mills

Haaass! Quaarg scuttled down the garden path, darting nervous glances left and right as he went, feeling, for the first time, more secure in the open, sunlit gardens of Kallidor than in the close and murky halls of Ylang’s new residence.

He had beaten a hasty retreat from the lair while that dreadful thing was still exulting over its resurrection. Consistent with its hideous sense of humor, the Dark Emperor had certainly surprised him, all right. The mechanoid horror it had created was not just a supermachine, not just another one of the emperor’s many sinister toys; no, it was Blorg himself!

Or Blorg’s brain, anyway: all that was salvageable after his last encounter with the star-pirate, Red Rian. But that was enough. Blorg was back!

BLOOD CURDLES! FLESH CRAWLS! BLORG LIVES!

There's something about Blorg. Maybe it's the shine of his chrome dome now that he's been transformed into Mecha-Blorg after his last near escape from the brave heroes of the Fellowship of Light ... or maybe it's just endearing how he's always pissed off, always Haaaaas-ing, and always loyal to the dark cause. In any case, Blorg and the snakelets of Ysss have one last chance to destroy those humanoid turds in the Fellowship of Light, and secure the universe for the Dark Emperor Ylang-Ylang's endlessly evil designs.

No points for guessing how this will go.

In other news, Lady Nila chooses Red Rian over Dann Oryzon, but don't worry because Dann has a new sweetheart already lined up. Thank God, we might have had some tension or conflict there! Our heroes continue to be drips, if you couldn't tell.

Mills might have benefited from the long creative and collaborative process George Lucas had to go through to whittle down or fine tune names from the Journal of the Whills like Mace Windy, C.J. Thorpe, and, well, the titular Whills, instead of dashing off the whole Star Quest trilogy in a year - here, names like Mr. Purpur and Siiin (Dowager-Empress of Sserp and mother of Blorg) sit dead on the page. Heck, even ol' Blorg himself has a bit of a silly moniker, right? Don't tell him that to his face, though ...

Mills doesn't always have a tin ear and heavy hand - Androids Altektu and D-Anacom make decent sidekicks, especially given their slightly ethereal character, with soft green skin and enlightened attitudes vs the nuts and bolts and neuroticism of Artoo and Threepio. Al and D-Ana feel like something out of some comic or animated Euro SF, and the way their names shorten is an effective bit of nice Star Wars style humanization. The beautiful, terrible Kallidorians are also nicely done, with the Fellowship of Light and Ylang-Ylang competing to influence them. Plus this time the (still uncredited) cover art isn't such a tawdry ripoff of Star Wars to the point of borrowing a Rebel Trooper, and looks pretty cool. It's the type of generic but evocative art that could be used for lots of random SF books.

After all the sound and fury of a thousand suns and a trillion souls crying out, and dread immortal Ylang-Ylang finally getting extirpated from this plane of existence, Mills ends things on a limp cliffhanger, as Nila gets kidnapped and the gang has to rush after her. Well, fine. Oddly, there's zero SF titles in the back page adverts here. Meanwhile, Star Fighters had exactly one: Garbage World by one Charles Platt.

The Schlock Value blog also reviewed this entry, and like the previous reviews in the series it's a hoot:

I’m not sure which book I’d consider the worst. I’m leaning toward the middle one, just because of the way they managed to take Dann out of the picture for the entire book by hitting him in the head with a rock. Dann was hardly in this one, too, but it was at least because he was off somewhere else training with the Fellowship (something that should have been dealt with much earlier in the series) and getting laid (which I can’t begrudge anybody).

Star Force did have the good graces to have a title that almost rhymes with Star Wars, and also finally gave me the satisfaction of misspelling Red Rian’s name as “Red Rain.” It took them most of the series to finally do that, and that’s incredible.

As noted by Thomas at Schlock Value, typos remain rampant. He also details some '70s pulp sleaze that the Kallidorians get up to, blurring lines with Nila and Red Rian, if you'd like more details from the text. Otherwise, hop to it yourself, as Star Force is available to read and download at archive dot org!

The final, Force-ful chapter of the Star Quest saga blunders into a 2/4 rating for consistently silly and sometimes endearing sci-fi schlock. Whither Mecha-Blorg?

Belmont Tower Books, 1978

STAR FIGHTERS by Robert E. Mills

Haaass! Haaass! The sound of Blorg’s stertorous breathing drowned out the gentle hum of the levitator that took him down to the city beneath the surface of dead Flaigon. Dwarfing the humanoid equerries who escorted him to the Forbidden City, the reptiloid lord stared vacantly at the door-panel in front of him. Since, for some unknown reason, the Dark Emperor had not probed his consciousness once he touched-down on the black planet’s surface, the lord of the Yss allowed himself the luxury of brooding over his recent misfortunes.

Not only had the mighty star-armada been demolished, thereby disrupting his plans for the conquest of the Primula galaxy, but that bearded man-ape, Rian, that hairy and disgusting piece of humanoid trash, had actually bested him in deep space combat. And the worst was yet to come: he must now answer for his disgrace and defeat to Ylang-Ylang, the only thing he feared in this life. It was a dark day for Lord Blorg and, as he left the levitator and strode through the eerie and self-illuminated corridors of black rock that led to the lair, the weight of fear lay on his body with the pressure of several dense atmospheres.

Lord Blorg. Dann Oryzon. Mr. Purpur. Villains and heroes in a galaxy some distance off, in a time uncertain, with questionable copyright status. Author Robert E. Mills dashed off a whole trilogy of sci-fi schlock in 1978 based on the success of Star Wars, and, in keeping with George Lucas' own style, we're diving in with book two of that trilogy - Haaaaas! Haaaaas!

Most of the fun here is comparing how Mills - not usually an SF writer, by the way - borrows from Lucas and how he brings in his own original ideas. The uncredited cover artist made some interesting choices as well, what with the Rebel trooper helmet. The best characters are undoubtedly Lord Blorg and the Dark Emperor Ylang-Ylang, who spend most of their page counts reveling in evil for the sake of it. Blorg is a four armed reptiloid Ysss from planet Sserp while Ylang-Ylang is a disembodied energy being of pure, you guessed it, evil. Ylang-Ylang wants to revive the ancient, evil Mordlings, of which he was one before ascending to his current state of pure energy evilness.

Mills manages some decent pulp SF scale with Ylang-Ylang's immortal quest for universal domination, even if he does seem to mix up galaxies and solar systems - our heroes are constantly liberating this or that galaxy named for single inhabited planets like Primula and Aquaea. 

Those heroes are pretty much a bunch of dorks, if you couldn't guess. Luke Skywalker is kind of a dork himself, so Dann Oryzon makes a fine young padawan in that mold, but space pirate Red Rian doesn't have half of Harrison Ford's swagger and sleazy charisma, and since this trilogy was written before The Empire Strikes Back and its shocking reveals (dig the back cover tagline though!) Leia character Lady Nila spends this entry dithering between Dann and Rian's love. The possibilities of Lord Blorg actually being Dann's father are left sadly unexplored, and the honor of paternity of young Dann goes to the Obi-Wan character, Garthane.

Mr. Purpur, meanwhile, is an 8 foot tall cat person who (like poor Chewbacca in the classic Star Wars expanded universe novels of the '90s) mostly growls in agreement with his captain Rian. He definitely licks Rians more than Chewbacca ever licked Han, though.

Ween Leever, pride of Red Rian. Ween's middle name is Nerdeen.

Mills avoids using lightsabers or the Force, with Garthane and the Jedi stand-ins being sort of generic New Age espers. There's dolphins, too, for that great '70s New Age vibe. Dann hails from Aquaea, a water world with twin suns, which makes his background totally different from Luke who of course was from a desert planet with twin suns!

The Schlock Value blog by Thomas reviewed this title back in 2015, along with the rest of the trilogy. Thomas has a lot of the same ideas that I did reading this, but also wonders if maybe Mills was writing a low key parody of Star Wars and SF what with his almost deliberately silly Blorgs and Purpurs and Mordlings and so on. Thomas also points out some of the most hackneyed writing in the book, when hero Dann Oryzon gets conked on the head with a rock and spends about a third of the story unconscious! How's that for classic serial writing?

Belmont Tower books littered this work with typos, sometimes in the middle of sci-fi names. Is Lord Blorg a Ysss or a Yss? Are we allowed to ask that question in reptiloid culture?

These wannabe Star Warsians earn themselves a 2/4 rating for some bright patches amid a ridiculous tapestry - it's not as bad as it could have been, but we're starting out with extremely low expectations. Viva Blorg!

Star Fighters is available to read and download at archive dot org.

Belmont Tower Books, 1978

THE TELEPATHIC DOLPHINS by Fred P. Graham

Fred P. Graham writes up some dolphin/ESP experimentation by Patricia Hayes and Ann Phillips of the Arthur Ford Academy of Parapsychology and Research. Flipper's Sea School has changed hands multiple times and is currently known as the Dolphin Research Center. Meanwhile, the Arthur Ford Academy lives on as Delphi University, a school for mediumship and spiritual studies.

Graham also quotes Dr. John C. Lilly for some background on potential dolphin intellect, and helpfully defines the intuitive PSI SCAN, codeveloped by Phillips and Jan Clema, and utilized by one Bill Clema on dolphin Terce.

This article is also available to read and download at archive dot org.

Courtesy Fate magazine, Volume 31 - Number 7, July 1978.

MAPS OF THE UNKNOWN: Krakatoa, West of Java

Some maps and diagrams concerning Krakatoa's 1883 eruption, relevant to author J.V. Luce's discussion of the destruction of Thera in his excellent book The End of Atlantis. Krakatoa was famously misplaced in the 1968 Hollywood disaster flick titled Krakatoa, East of Java, but the fourth image of the Sunda Strait illustrates its true westerly position relative to Java ... glad that's settled!

Ash fall from the eruption
(Click to embiggen these horizontal images)

The Sunda Strait, flood zones, and the volcano west of Java 

Courtesy Bantam Books, 1978 (original pub. 1969).

SPEARMEN OF ARN by Del Dowdell

Bumper Phillips was nothing special on Earth ... but true to planetary romance, on Arn he becomes an unstoppable killer! The most interesting thing about this work from Mormon apologist Del Dowdell is the hook whereby Bumper travels to the world of Arn: he's a last minute addition to the doomed Flight 19, and as they fly out over the Bermuda Triangle they encounter a horrifying portal to another world! 

Author Del Dowdell (1936-2022)

This is a neat enough trick by Dowdell, as one of the Avengers planes had an empty navigator seat, and since Bumper jumps in too late to be added to the flight list, he's never listed as missing alongside the rest of the crew. After flying through the portal, Bumper and the real life crew of Lieutenant Taylor and student pilots Powers, Stivers, Gerber and Bossi (and the rest!) are attacked by spearmen riding gigantic birds! Only Bumper survives, and thus begins his quest to run roughshod over this alien world, in the classic sword and planet tradition.

First though, he has to be trained in Arnian language and combat by the blind Tamarra, who lives in the deadly snake pits that Bumper is dumped in after his first, failed battle with the locals. Tamarra gives us some exposition too, about the dread Thelonese and their Sluices, the portals they use to rob water from other worlds. While the Thelonese work their dread machinations, the rest of Arn engage in petty struggles and backstabbing, and soon enough Bumper finds himself in the middle of some courtly intrigue among a society of cave people descended from other lost Earthers. Bumper, by the way, is prophecised as the Tyjen, a hero who will break the Thelonese of their hold on Arn, which causes him all kinds of problems.

Crave a smoke while questing? Why not a Newport?

Unfortunately, Dowdell has a tin ear when it comes to characters. Tamarra and Otar and Pelan are all decent enough sword and sorcery names, but what are we to make of Sram D'Crooz and Scarduun O'Grlea? D'Crooz and O'Grlea are two of the cave people, and I get that Dowdell was going for the garbled descendants of Earth names in their case, but it falls flat for me. Can't win 'em all, I guess ... but it doesn't help when the book is riddled with typos and these names are also being constantly mispelled!

In fact, if you thought that barbarian hero Kyrik had a tough time with editing flubs, wait 'til you meet Bumper Phillips! This poor guy ... not only are names misspelled left and right, continuity blows up in our faces more than once. Over at the Black Gate fantasy review site, Charles Gramlich says "at least one chapter appears to be completely missing between Chapters 12 and 13."

Tuurla? I never even knew her!

Consider the mysterious "Tuurla" who Bumper reminisces over along with all the other people he's met in Arn ... except he never got around to meeting her! Later, at the climax, Bumper rushes into the slave quarters to grab his friends Ryssta and Otar - except they were supposedly left behind with the Lady Arrmon several chapters ago, and Bumper was explicitly sent alone to the Thelonesian slavers! Ay yi yi!

Dowdell includes a few creepy critters, but compared to John Jakes' inspired descriptions in the Brak stories, they're pretty lackluster. We get the giant birds, the snakes in the pit, some kind of octopus thing, and a big cat that's like a tiger. A few more or more interesting creatures might have livened things up, ho-hum! Mostly Bumper just wanders around getting into trouble with the locals, until he finally winds up in Thelonesian custody and upsets their apple cart. By the time the heat is on, we're practically done with the story! Dowdell sets us up for an ongoing series, but nothing doing: Bumper is a one and done hero.

Dowdell also wrote another standalone planetary romance, Warlord of Ghandor, starring Robert of Eire:

This title is also reviewed by Charles Gramlich at the Black Gate link previously mentioned. And as also mentioned earlier, Dowdell specialized in Mormon history/apologia, like the Nephi Code series:

A love for the absolute accuracy of the Book of Mormon hasresulted in this four-volume series of books regarding the numerous misconceptions about where Lehi landed, where the Nephites' Land of Promise was located, and who really settled in Mesoamerica--including who the Jaredites of Noah's posterity were and how and when they came to settle in the Western Hemisphere. In a way no other work has done, this thoroughly researched and footnoted series of books discloses the descrptions [sic] and clues Nephi, Jacob, Mormon and Moroni left us throughout their writings and abridgements [sic].

For all the bugjacked errors and a less-than-ferocious pace, Bumper's adventures in Arn earn a rough 2/4 rating. There's some fun stuff here, like Arn's bizarre cosmology and the pan-galactic water thieving Thelonese, but not enough to overcome the lows. For those who wish to follow Bumper Phillips into oblivion, Spearmen of Arn is available to read and download at archive dot org. The nifty cover art is by Doug Beekman, by the by.

Belmont Tower Books, 1978

SASQUATCH by M.E. Knerr

DEATH IN THE SNOW ... death that comes on two legs, eight feet tall, with arms of iron and hands that can tear the head off a man and fold his rifle into a pretzel! Author M.E. Knerr presents an all-too-plausible story of what could - no, what will happen, when a gentle forest giant is pushed into a frenzy by the encroachment of our modern world. When that happens, all will fear the name SASQUATCH!

Knerr's story is not quite the over-the-top gonzo thriller like Bogner's Snowman was, with its globetrotting, 20-foot-tall Yeti nukin' action, instead tracking the violent outbursts that threaten the small town milieu in Lodgepole, CA. Knerr's characters are cleanly drawn and get the job done well enough, and he doesn't waste too much time getting where he's going. Characters are here one minute, dead the next, as they tell each other what they know about the mysterious Sasquatch, argue about if he even exists, and run around on each other between the town's sole, sleazy bar and the ski lodge up the way. It all leads up to a blink-and-you'll-miss-it climax typical of vintage thriller writing. Where Knerr really excels is his sense of place: you can almost hear the snow crunching underfoot as cowboys and coppers skulk around the woods searching for the beast!

NEL's best ...

There's not a lot out there about author Michael Knerr, aside from that he worked under a lot of pseudonyms writing quickie sex and genre titles for cheapie publishers like Monarch and Pinnacle. A guest post by SF author John F. Carr at the Mystery File blog dredges up some biographical detail, including Knerr's relationship with classic SF writer H. Beam Piper ... be sure to read the comments, too!

Knerr's terror tale was originally published by Belmont Tower Books as Sasquatch: Monster of the Northwest Woods in 1977. This edition goes for ridiculous prices online due to kitsch value, which is why I finally wrangled a copy of the NEL edition from the following year and threw it up on the archive for all to read, absolutely free: here it is in all its scanned glory!

For simple pleasures and knowing glances, Knerr's Sasquatch earns a 3/4 rating.

New English Library, 1978 (original pub. 1977)