SPEARMEN OF ARN by Del Dowdell

Bumper Phillips was nothing special on Earth ... but true to planetary romance, on Arn he becomes an unstoppable killer! The most interesting thing about this work from Mormon apologist Del Dowdell is the hook whereby Bumper travels to the world of Arn: he's a last minute addition to the doomed Flight 19, and as they fly out over the Bermuda Triangle they encounter a horrifying portal to another world! 

Author Del Dowdell (1936-2022)

This is a neat enough trick by Dowdell, as one of the Avengers planes had an empty navigator seat, and since Bumper jumps in too late to be added to the flight list, he's never listed as missing alongside the rest of the crew. After flying through the portal, Bumper and the real life crew of Lieutenant Taylor and student pilots Powers, Stivers, Gerber and Bossi (and the rest!) are attacked by spearmen riding gigantic birds! Only Bumper survives, and thus begins his quest to run roughshod over this alien world, in the classic sword and planet tradition.

First though, he has to be trained in Arnian language and combat by the blind Tamarra, who lives in the deadly snake pits that Bumper is dumped in after his first, failed battle with the locals. Tamarra gives us some exposition too, about the dread Thelonese and their Sluices, the portals they use to rob water from other worlds. While the Thelonese work their dread machinations, the rest of Arn engage in petty struggles and backstabbing, and soon enough Bumper finds himself in the middle of some courtly intrigue among a society of cave people descended from other lost Earthers. Bumper, by the way, is prophecised as the Tyjen, a hero who will break the Thelonese of their hold on Arn, which causes him all kinds of problems.

Crave a smoke while questing? Why not a Newport?

Unfortunately, Dowdell has a tin ear when it comes to characters. Tamarra and Otar and Pelan are all decent enough sword and sorcery names, but what are we to make of Sram D'Crooz and Scarduun O'Grlea? D'Crooz and O'Grlea are two of the cave people, and I get that Dowdell was going for the garbled descendants of Earth names in their case, but it falls flat for me. Can't win 'em all, I guess ... but it doesn't help when the book is riddled with typos and these names are also being constantly mispelled!

In fact, if you thought that barbarian hero Kyrik had a tough time with editing flubs, wait 'til you meet Bumper Phillips! This poor guy ... not only are names misspelled left and right, continuity blows up in our faces more than once. Over at the Black Gate fantasy review site, Charles Gramlich says "at least one chapter appears to be completely missing between Chapters 12 and 13."

Tuurla? I never even knew her!

Consider the mysterious "Tuurla" who Bumper reminisces over along with all the other people he's met in Arn ... except he never got around to meeting her! Later, at the climax, Bumper rushes into the slave quarters to grab his friends Ryssta and Otar - except they were supposedly left behind with the Lady Arrmon several chapters ago, and Bumper was explicitly sent alone to the Thelonesian slavers! Ay yi yi!

Dowdell includes a few creepy critters, but compared to John Jakes' inspired descriptions in the Brak stories, they're pretty lackluster. We get the giant birds, the snakes in the pit, some kind of octopus thing, and a big cat that's like a tiger. A few more or more interesting creatures might have livened things up, ho-hum! Mostly Bumper just wanders around getting into trouble with the locals, until he finally winds up in Thelonesian custody and upsets their apple cart. By the time the heat is on, we're practically done with the story! Dowdell sets us up for an ongoing series, but nothing doing: Bumper is a one and done hero.

Dowdell also wrote another standalone planetary romance, Warlord of Ghandor, starring Robert of Eire:

This title is also reviewed by Charles Gramlich at the Black Gate link previously mentioned. And as also mentioned earlier, Dowdell specialized in Mormon history/apologia, like the Nephi Code series:

A love for the absolute accuracy of the Book of Mormon hasresulted in this four-volume series of books regarding the numerous misconceptions about where Lehi landed, where the Nephites' Land of Promise was located, and who really settled in Mesoamerica--including who the Jaredites of Noah's posterity were and how and when they came to settle in the Western Hemisphere. In a way no other work has done, this thoroughly researched and footnoted series of books discloses the descrptions [sic] and clues Nephi, Jacob, Mormon and Moroni left us throughout their writings and abridgements [sic].

For all the bugjacked errors and a less-than-ferocious pace, Bumper's adventures in Arn earn a rough 2/4 rating. There's some fun stuff here, like Arn's bizarre cosmology and the pan-galactic water thieving Thelonese, but not enough to overcome the lows. For those who wish to follow Bumper Phillips into oblivion, Spearmen of Arn is available to read and download at archive dot org. The nifty cover art is by Doug Beekman, by the by.

Belmont Tower Books, 1978

QUEST OF THE DARK LADY by Quinn Reade

THE TERRIBLE SLIMY ONES! Author Ben Haas (writing as Quinn Reade) throws us into a dark, fractured fantasy world - our world, some 500 years after nuclear war has blasted us back into feudalism and spawned all manner of nuke mutants and hellbeasts. The Iron Lands stand as the last outpost of human civilization against a rising tide of slimy, gibbering death, and now that King Langax has taken ill it seems that this brief sputtering candle may be snuffed out. Unless ...

Unless the King's physician Delius can ferry the traitor Wulf, sprung from the dungeons alongside sexy brigand Reen, across the wastes of the Terrible East, in search of the Dark Lady. Who is she? Who can say, except that King Langmax spoke her name and nothing else before lapsing into coma. Now, the trio of doctor, swordsman, and robber must grope out into the unknown, and survive swarms of Slimy Ones, Formless Things, and the Gibberers (these last an especially nasty almost-human mutant strain). Now, they must survive their unknown, indecipherable QUEST OF THE DARK LADY!

Author Ben Haas (1926-1977)

Author Ben Haas was a steelworker who threw himself into writing, outputting a prodigious amount of titles over a brief career cut short by a heart attack in 1977. He mostly wrote westerns and Southern dramas, churning out genre staples to fund more highbrow work, and this was his only sword and sorcery title - too bad. More information about Haas is available at Lynn Munroe Books, and his canny notes on writing westerns have been posted at James Reasoner's Rough Edges blog.

Haas writes lean, with splashes of description that bring to life such horrors as the Slimy Ones, gigantic slugs that crawl into battle alongside the protoplasmic Formless Things and those freakshow Gibberers. Wulf and company's quest is fraught with tension, sexual and existential. Destiny and loyalty are fine words, but words they are, while Wulf and Reen's blossoming relationship faces challenges from the Dark Lady and her thuggish swordsman Koth. The ending is pleasantly ambiguous, our heroes having conquered in some manner, but with the future uncertain and their personal costs undetermined. Haas' subtlety here is artful, leagues ahead of the clumsy triumphalism that clutters the dregs of this genre.

His postnuke setting is also an example of my favorite subtype in swords and sorcery, with a pedigree ranging from Andre Norton to Thundarr the Barbarian. Only the pacing falters at times, with a little too much buildup at the beginning and then a climax that's over lickety split, though that's nothing new for this genre. His imaginative monster mashing, clean action, and piercing character work more than make up for any other failings, however.

Quest of the Dark Lady was reprinted by Belmont/Tower (with a variant badged as Pinnacle Books) in 1976 with a different cover by Jeffrey Catherine Jones, and the new promise of 16 pages of drawings and illustrations! If you remember Swords of the Barbarians you know what to expect: random medieval and classical bestiary stuff! Fun, cheap, and shameless, as as only Belmont/Tower could deliver!

Both covers by Jones do the job, in her usual strong but delicate style, even if as per usual the artwork is more evocative of genre than specific to details in the text. This title was also reviewed at the Paperback Warrior and the MPorcius Fiction Log, and we all agree it's pretty good stuff! MPorcius also notes Haas' cultured use of a work by Keats and how the author avoids the usual overused giant spiders, snakes, and goblins and trolls in favor of his own imaginative monster roster.

Wulf and company's Quest of the Dark Lady earns a nice 3/4 rating as an imaginative dark fantasy adventure.

Belmont Books, 1969

BRAK: WHEN THE IDOLS WALKED by John Jakes

Once again, Brak the Barbarian finds himself far from home and further still from Golden Khurdisan, as he washes up on the damned shores of Rodar just in time for an invasion by the Gordmen and a merchant's coup backed by dark magics. Heads will roll and the walls will come tumbling down when THE IDOLS WALK!

Still alive with pleasure!

There's spoilers ahead, so beware. The biggest reveal I'll drop is the novel's greatest feat: the sublime imagery of a bronze age mech battle, as Brak takes control of a 150 foot tall goddess statue with pulleys and levers and maneuvers it against a similar gigantic idol possessed by the spirit of a mad strangler! Readers back in 1964 knew what they were in for when they read the original version of this tale in Fantastic Stories:

Over at Dark Worlds Quaterly, writer G.W. Thomas has compiled an excellent history of Brak which details some of the chronology and editing behind Jakes' series, as short stories were compiled and fixed up into "new" novels, and old works were slotted into new order. Thomas notes that in this entry there's no mention of Nestorianism or of the evil amir Septegundus, things that would become central to Brak tales written later. When this story was reworked and republished as a novel in 1978, Jakes didn't bother with any updates on that, and honestly I'm glad he didn't - it's unnecessary!

The article over at Dark Worlds Quarterly ... check it out!

The cover art is another pleasingly weird tableau by the artist "CM" with Brak attacking the idol Jaal. The stone menace has been given two eyes here when in the text he's a cyclopean monster, but we're used to that detail fuzziness now with these covers. It's still an atmospheric image and "CM" has served Brak well in the Pocket Books line. The art from Tower Books is serviceably dramatic:

Some of the plot beats are by the numbers, maybe owing to its fix-up origins, but nevertheless Jakes is a pro as always at transporting us to his weird worlds and immersing us in Brak's struggle. Our hero is pretty noble here, throwing in with the doomed Rodarians owing to their kindness in nursing him back to health earlier. Things move along at breakneck speed and Brak also tangles with an evil priest caste who rule a subterranean hell-pit, a three headed hydra bird, and more phantasmagorical sea serpents than you can shake a stick at! When the Idols Walked earns a nice 3/4 rating as superior barbarian storytelling.

Art taken from the Dark Worlds Quarterly article

Pocket Books, 1978

SWORDS OF THE BARBARIANS by Kenneth Bulmer

IN THE TRADITION OF CONAN ... again! It's back to the well for more barbarian thrills as author Kenneth Bulmer hits us with the generically titled SWORDS OF THE BARBARIANS!

Bulmer is probably best know for his long running Dray Prescot series, a planetary romance series inspired by Burroughs' Barsoom stories that ran 50+ volumes! Here he serves up some swords and sorcery stew with a rather thin stock, but hiding some surprisingly spicy bits.

Kenneth Bulmer (1921-2005)

Twin heroes Torr and Tara have come to Gamelon Town as a leg of their vague quest for Jaran the All-Seeing, and nobody's having a good time. There's always that tension in swords and sorcery, of the "uncivilized" barbarians against the corrupt and decadent city dwellers, but here Bulmer sends it to new heights. Torr and Tara are terrible guests, stealing chickens and turning scumbag officials into mice with nude magic while just generally knocking shit around. Meanwhile, the Gamelon Townies are awful hosts, wannabe rapists corrupt to a man and ruled by scheming wizards who commune with demon familiars. No wonder then that Torr and Tara welcome the depredations of the invading Garthlanders ...

Belmont Tower continues its cheapjack tradition of shoddy releases, with typos galore and a back cover summary that manages to describe siblings Torr and Tara as lovers! To be fair to the publishers, Torr does think his sister is pretty sexy, and gets lost in thought at least twice over her hot body. Hoo boy ... Tara is a sexy witch who has to get naked to work her magic, and much plot hay is made over a cheap boot buckle preventing her complete disrobing. She's also tied up and leered over multiple times by various villains, and eventually cursed with the Black Bodice - a hot little leotard number that slowly constricts its victim to death! This is one of the sleaziest swords and sorcery titles I've read thus far, and also one of the goofiest. Bulmer fills his fantasy world with wild creatures like the teryxes (gigantic griffins) and the eight legged sjeeds, both used as mounts by the militant men of Garthland.

Fear them ...

At one point Bulmer references a far Khurdisran, and Belmont Tower's quality control is so poor that I'm not sure if he meant to explicitly write Khurdisan as a nod to John Jakes' barbarian hero Brak. In either case, it's not always the best idea to remind readers of other, better stories they could be enjoying. Bulmer also gives us the usual fantasy names like Frelgar, Kar Sjontu, Shishu-Sji, and others, with many foul and unknown gods cursed in passing - "By the swag belly of Obese Rumphaldi Himself!" Some of them land, some don't, and Bulmer's world feels more like a DnD pastiche than a fully realized setting. Some decent character work is appreciated, and sidekick Frelgar is especially well drawn as an "unfrocked philosopher" - a former wizard who now refuses to practice magic. The invading Garthlanders are a curious bunch, a conquering army of honor obsessed nobles who are treated more sympathetically than the Gamelon defenders. Torr sums it up near the end with disquieting relevance for recent events:

"Now may your people take possession of this place, Kar Sjontu," Torr said gravely. "I know nothing of the rights and wrongs of a whole people thus migrating and taking over another habitation. But I do know what my sister and I - and Frelgar - suffered here. You are very welcome."

Rare enough for Belmont Tower, we (sort of) get some illustrations, with old drawings of monsters reproduced from "The Book of Grotesques," presumably to inspire us about the many demons that Torr has to slay in duels with the wizards Zirmazd and Quapartz. The cover is another banger from artist Ken Barr, and typical of the genre is only loosely connected to the actual story - the villains are red heads, and there are flying monsters of a kind.

The New English Library put out the striking cover above, with beautiful '70s type, while managing to accurately relate Torr and Tara. For a semi-effective genre entry, Swords of the Barbarians earns a mixed 2/4 rating.

Update, November 2025: for a second opinion that only proves great minds think alike, Cora Buhlert reviewed this title for the Galactic Journey blog!

Belmont Tower Books, 1970