'GATOR by George Ford

Only 8mg tar? I can't believe it!

"... and Merv Griffin!"

"She's sure making a lot of noise." The screams from the wounded woman on the ridge behind them echoed through the swamp. The black laughed again. "Women don't like pain," he chuckled. "They figure it hurts." Then he stopped laughing just as suddenly; his voice dropped low and became menacing.

"Now let's move it," he growled. "We haven't got all day."

More terrifying than Jaws?

Don't bet on it. Anonymous author George Ford (a pseudonym?) delivers a competent but unexceptional potboiler about a gang of crooks who cross paths with - who else? - one pissed off gator.

Animal lovers beware, the first victim is Puff the Poodle, and he doesn't go easy. His owner Anna Ekberg wasn't even supposed to be here, but horny criminal Harvey couldn't resist picking up the sexy diner waitress on his long drive out to the swamp. He's meeting Steve, George, Cop, Eddy, and a couple other guests for a big drug connection, and their faffing around accounts for too much of the opening action, or what passes for it.

We could have done with one or two less goons filling out the cast as well, considering how much they blend together - is it Eddy or Arthur or George who's the old man? Which one's the asshole? Trick question: it's all of them. There's lots of angry guys shouting and growling and telling each other to shut up, and it reads as filler.

After Puff gets got, the gator starts chomping arms and legs, and the pace picks up a bit. When kingpin J.C. and bodyguard Mattie arrive, we finally get humming with some crossbred Southern fried crime and animal attack action, but it's too little, too late. A crashed plane and gator breeding ground aren't half bad action set pieces  ... but again, it's too little, too late. Maybe Ford should be commended for his immersive style, because we really do feel like we're wading through stagnant water here.

Finally, in the final push, Ford sticks the landing with a pretty good climax as things go SNAFU, and the downbeat ending is predictable but executed with a modicum of grace. 'Gator lackadaisically chomps its way to a 2/4 rating.

Award Books, 1976

QUEST OF THE DARK LADY by Quinn Reade

THE TERRIBLE SLIMY ONES! Author Ben Haas (writing as Quinn Reade) throws us into a dark, fractured fantasy world - our world, some 500 years after nuclear war has blasted us back into feudalism and spawned all manner of nuke mutants and hellbeasts. The Iron Lands stand as the last outpost of human civilization against a rising tide of slimy, gibbering death, and now that King Langax has taken ill it seems that this brief sputtering candle may be snuffed out. Unless ...

Unless the King's physician Delius can ferry the traitor Wulf, sprung from the dungeons alongside sexy brigand Reen, across the wastes of the Terrible East, in search of the Dark Lady. Who is she? Who can say, except that King Langmax spoke her name and nothing else before lapsing into coma. Now, the trio of doctor, swordsman, and robber must grope out into the unknown, and survive swarms of Slimy Ones, Formless Things, and the Gibberers (these last an especially nasty almost-human mutant strain). Now, they must survive their unknown, indecipherable QUEST OF THE DARK LADY!

Author Ben Haas (1926 - 1977)

Author Ben Haas was a steelworker who threw himself into writing, outputting a prodigious amount of titles over a brief career cut short by a heart attack in 1977. He mostly wrote westerns and Southern dramas, churning out genre staples to fund more highbrow work, and this was his only sword and sorcery title - too bad. More information about Haas is available at Lynn Munroe Books, and his canny notes on writing westerns have been posted at James Reasoner's Rough Edges blog.

Haas writes lean, with splashes of description that bring to life such horrors as the Slimy Ones, gigantic slugs that crawl into battle alongside the protoplasmic Formless Things and those freakshow Gibberers. Wulf and company's quest is fraught with tension, sexual and existential. Destiny and loyalty are fine words, but words they are, while Wulf and Reen's blossoming relationship faces challenges from the Dark Lady and her thuggish swordsman Koth. The ending is pleasantly ambiguous, our heroes having conquered in some manner, but with the future uncertain and their personal costs undetermined. Haas' subtlety here is artful, leagues ahead of the clumsy triumphalism that clutters the dregs of this genre.

His postnuke setting is also an example of my favorite subtype in swords and sorcery, with a pedigree ranging from Andre Norton to Thundarr the Barbarian. Only the pacing falters at times, with a little too much buildup at the beginning and then a climax that's over lickety split, though that's nothing new for this genre. His imaginative monster mashing, clean action, and piercing character work more than make up for any other failings, however.

Quest of the Dark Lady was reprinted by Belmont/Tower (with a variant badged as Pinnacle Books) in 1976 with a different cover by Jeffrey Catherine Jones, and the new promise of 16 pages of drawings and illustrations! If you remember Swords of the Barbarians you know what to expect: random medieval and classical bestiary stuff! Fun, cheap, and shameless, as as only Belmont/Tower could deliver!

Both covers by Jones do the job, in her usual strong but delicate style, even if as per usual the artwork is more evocative of genre than specific to details in the text. This title was also reviewed at the Paperback Warrior and the MPorcius Fiction Log, and we all agree it's pretty good stuff! MPorcius also notes Haas' cultured use of a work by Keats and how the author avoids the usual overused giant spiders, snakes, and goblins and trolls in favor of his own imaginative monster roster.

Wulf and company's Quest of the Dark Lady earns a nice 3/4 rating as an imaginative dark fantasy adventure.

Belmont Books, 1969

BULLET TRAIN by Joseph Rance and Arei Kato

There's a bomb on Hikari 109!

Down and out contractor Okita lashes out at the railway that ruined his life, using some stolen gelignite along with the unsold speedometer parts that dragged him into bankruptcy. His plan is simple: he wants 5 million US dollars to split with his two co-conspirators. They've planted a bomb on bullet train Hikari 109 to ensure compliance. If the train slows below 80 km/r, the bomb explodes. And if Okita doesn't get his money soon, the train will reach the end of the line ... there's no turnaround at Hakata, so soon there won't be any train, and the authorities can kiss the 1,500 souls onboard goodbye. The miles are slipping away by the minute ...

When the train doesn't stop at Nagoya, passengers get mad. When they find out why they didn't stop, they get scared. Can the rail employees onboard control the panic before things spiral out of control? Can the authorities track down Okita and co. or at the very least manage to locate and disarm the bomb? And can Okita hold it together with his partners feckless playboy Sato and nihilistic student radical Koga? It should be no surprise that nothing will go to anyone's plan.

Author Trevor Hoyle (as Joseph Rance) has written an English language novelization of a classic 1975 Japanese disaster flick, and oddly enough Dell doesn't acknowledge the film anywhere in their copy, though screenwriter Arei Kato is credited as co-author. The cover art looks suitably melodramatic, but maybe a better fit for an adaptation of a TV miniseries than an out-and-out disaster film. Alas, none of the original cast (like Sonny Chiba!) have their likenesses reproduced. Comparisons to Jan de Bont's Speed (1994) have been made.

Author Trevor Hoyle (1940 - )

Hoyle carries over the film's sympathetic portrayal of mad bomber Okita and the mad scramble of the authorities to control an uncontrollable situation. He adds an American couple for gaijin readers, but Dr. Laura Brennan and her bomb squaddie husband Matt are the thinnest characters of the bunch. Laura delivers a baby onboard the train, but Matt mostly hangs around being worried about his wife until his explosive expertise is needed in the final act. Despite these two wet blankets, Hoyle does a fine job fleshing out the rest of the cast, including many passengers who were merely background characters in the film. This is a classic disaster epic cast, as human passions intersect with doomed systems, and random chance and choice can set someone on an unbreakable path to destruction or salvation.

The hardcover art is a little more dynamic than the paperback ...

But neither of the book covers can match the explosive drama of the original film posters:

Over at the excellent Paperback Palette, writer Jeffersen has posted an exploration of the Reader's Digest condensed version of this title, which cut approximately 50% of the text but also added some handsome interior illustrations:

Very cool map!

There's plenty more pics and info over at the Paperback Palette, so check it out! Meanwhile, the film has been released as a gorgeous region B Blu-ray from UK company Eureka (out of print so check the second hand shops):

Hoyle's tense adaptation of an excellent film earns a 3/4 rating, and both book and film are highly recommended. Next time baby, we'll be bulletproof!

Dell Publishing, 1980

BRAK: WHEN THE IDOLS WALKED by John Jakes

Once again, Brak the Barbarian finds himself far from home and further still from Golden Khurdisan, as he washes up on the damned shores of Rodar just in time for an invasion by the Gordmen and a merchant's coup backed by dark magics. Heads will roll and the walls will come tumbling down when THE IDOLS WALK!

Still alive with pleasure!

There's spoilers ahead, so beware. The biggest reveal I'll drop is the novel's greatest feat: the sublime imagery of a bronze age mech battle, as Brak takes control of a 150 foot tall goddess statue with pulleys and levers and maneuvers it against a similar gigantic idol possessed by the spirit of a mad strangler! Readers back in 1964 knew what they were in for when they read the original version of this tale in Fantastic Stories:

Over at Dark Worlds Quaterly, writer G.W. Thomas has compiled an excellent history of Brak which details some of the chronology and editing behind Jakes' series, as short stories were compiled and fixed up into "new" novels, and old works were slotted into new order. Thomas notes that in this entry there's no mention of Nestorianism or of the evil amir Septegundus, things that would become central to Brak tales written later. When this story was reworked and republished as a novel in 1978, Jakes didn't bother with any updates on that, and honestly I'm glad he didn't - it's unnecessary!

The article over at Dark Worlds Quarterly ... check it out!

The cover art is another pleasingly weird tableau by the artist "CM" with Brak attacking the idol Jaal. The stone menace has been given two eyes here when in the text he's a cyclopean monster, but we're used to that detail fuzziness now with these covers. It's still an atmospheric image and "CM" has served Brak well in the Pocket Books line. The art from Tower Books is serviceably dramatic:

Some of the plot beats are by the numbers, maybe owing to its fix-up origins, but nevertheless Jakes is a pro as always at transporting us to his weird worlds and immersing us in Brak's struggle. Our hero is pretty noble here, throwing in with the doomed Rodarians owing to their kindness in nursing him back to health earlier. Things move along at breakneck speed and Brak also tangles with an evil priest caste who rule a subterranean hell-pit, a three headed hydra bird, and more phantasmagorical sea serpents than you can shake a stick at! When the Idols Walked earns a nice 3/4 rating as superior barbarian storytelling.

Art taken from the Dark Worlds Quarterly article

Pocket Books, 1978