Bumper Phillips was nothing special on Earth ... but true to planetary romance, on Arn he becomes an unstoppable killer! The most interesting thing about this work from Mormon apologist Del Dowdell is the hook whereby Bumper travels to the world of Arn: he's a last minute addition to the doomed Flight 19, and as they fly out over the Bermuda Triangle they encounter a horrifying portal to another world!
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| Author Del Dowdell (1936-2022) |
This is a neat enough trick by Dowdell, as one of the Avengers planes had an empty navigator seat, and since Bumper jumps in too late to be added to the flight list, he's never listed as missing alongside the rest of the crew. After flying through the portal, Bumper and the real life crew of Lieutenant Taylor and student pilots Powers, Stivers, Gerber and Bossi (and the rest!) are attacked by spearmen riding gigantic birds! Only Bumper survives, and thus begins his quest to run roughshod over this alien world, in the classic sword and planet tradition.
First though, he has to be trained in Arnian language and combat by the blind Tamarra, who lives in the deadly snake pits that Bumper is dumped in after his first, failed battle with the locals. Tamarra gives us some exposition too, about the dread Thelonese and their Sluices, the portals they use to rob water from other worlds. While the Thelonese work their dread machinations, the rest of Arn engage in petty struggles and backstabbing, and soon enough Bumper finds himself in the middle of some courtly intrigue among a society of cave people descended from other lost Earthers. Bumper, by the way, is prophecised as the Tyjen, a hero who will break the Thelonese of their hold on Arn, which causes him all kinds of problems.
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| Crave a smoke while questing? Why not a Newport? |
Unfortunately, Dowdell has a tin ear when it comes to characters. Tamarra and Otar and Pelan are all decent enough sword and sorcery names, but what are we to make of Sram D'Crooz and Scarduun O'Grlea? D'Crooz and O'Grlea are two of the cave people, and I get that Dowdell was going for the garbled descendants of Earth names in their case, but it falls flat for me. Can't win 'em all, I guess ... but it doesn't help when the book is riddled with typos and these names are also being constantly mispelled!
In fact, if you thought that barbarian hero Kyrik had a tough time with editing flubs, wait 'til you meet Bumper Phillips! This poor guy ... not only are names misspelled left and right, continuity blows up in our faces more than once. Over at the Black Gate fantasy review site, Charles Gramlich says "at least one chapter appears to be completely missing between Chapters 12 and 13."
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| Tuurla? I never even knew her! |
Consider the mysterious "Tuurla" who Bumper reminisces over along with all the other people he's met in Arn ... except he never got around to meeting her! Later, at the climax, Bumper rushes into the slave quarters to grab his friends Ryssta and Otar - except they were supposedly left behind with the Lady Arrmon several chapters ago, and Bumper was explicitly sent alone to the Thelonesian slavers! Ay yi yi!
Dowdell includes a few creepy critters, but compared to John Jakes' inspired descriptions in the Brak stories, they're pretty lackluster. We get the giant birds, the snakes in the pit, some kind of octopus thing, and a big cat that's like a tiger. A few more or more interesting creatures might have livened things up, ho-hum! Mostly Bumper just wanders around getting into trouble with the locals, until he finally winds up in Thelonesian custody and upsets their apple cart. By the time the heat is on, we're practically done with the story! Dowdell sets us up for an ongoing series, but nothing doing: Bumper is a one and done hero.
Dowdell also wrote another standalone planetary romance, Warlord of Ghandor, starring Robert of Eire:
This title is also reviewed by Charles Gramlich at the Black Gate link previously mentioned. And as also mentioned earlier, Dowdell specialized in Mormon history/apologia, like the Nephi Code series:
A love for the absolute accuracy of the Book of Mormon hasresulted in this four-volume series of books regarding the numerous misconceptions about where Lehi landed, where the Nephites' Land of Promise was located, and who really settled in Mesoamerica--including who the Jaredites of Noah's posterity were and how and when they came to settle in the Western Hemisphere. In a way no other work has done, this thoroughly researched and footnoted series of books discloses the descrptions [sic] and clues Nephi, Jacob, Mormon and Moroni left us throughout their writings and abridgements [sic].
For all the bugjacked errors and a less-than-ferocious pace, Bumper's adventures in Arn earn a rough 2/4 rating. There's some fun stuff here, like Arn's bizarre cosmology and the pan-galactic water thieving Thelonese, but not enough to overcome the lows. For those who wish to follow Bumper Phillips into oblivion, Spearmen of Arn is available to read and download at archive dot org. The nifty cover art is by Doug Beekman, by the by.
Belmont Tower Books, 1978
