Brad Steiger's got something to say: it's Valentine's Day! And he's snookered sessile psychic John Pendragon into this self help astrology love book for the ladies, answering burning questions on your fate in the stars. Remember, "forewarned is forearmed in the battle of the sexes!" Perhaps old John wasn't the best candidate for this, but it's too late now, we're full steam ahead into some vintage nonsense.
Brad makes a lot of noise about how crap most modern astrologists are, as if tearing down the competition makes his section of the book any more reputable. It doesn't, by the way, as this is the same exact stuff you'll find in any similar text of the time, with dangerous sexy Scorpio babes and headstrong Aries gals and so on. At least Steiger admits that astrology's predictive powers are somewhat beside the point, though Pendragon's pretty clear that you shouldn't mess around with any guys who aren't good sign matches.
Pendragon actually acquits himself well in the penultimate chapter, dropping his typical muddled prophecies in favor of straightforward advice. Did you ladies know that your sign determines how you walk? "Aries girls move rapidly, Gemini girls have a quick, nervous step, rather like a timid bird - but they are far from timid! Sagittarians have a bold step, while the Virgo girl walks precisely, as if carefully avoiding puddles." That's news you can use.
Meanwhile, Pendragon "has no astrological data on thalidomide babies," but does think that it's "highly probable" that Britain will have a woman Prime Minister within the next generation. You canny old goat, Pendragon! Too bad he didn't live to see such a thing, as he passed away the very next year, 1970. I'm not 100% certain he wrote the afterword, "Astrology as a Compass," but it seems to match his florid prose, diving into systems ancient and Biblical for astrological guidance, and their relevance to us now: "Astrology, rightly used, serves as a dependable compass pointing the way across the Bay of Time, and beyond an Ocean of Stars, to the Shores of Eternity." My own afterword is that this copy looks to have been dunked in the Bay of Time!
Ace Books, 1969
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