WRITE YOUR OWN HOROSCOPE by Joseph F. Goodavage

Celebrity astrologer Joseph F. Goodavage returns to the blog to show us how to WRITE YOUR OWN HOROSCOPE! Goodavage was last seen writing some exceptionally stupid piffle around JFK's assassination in a chapter of Strange, Stranger, Strangest, and he doesn't disappoint here with more dumbass pontificating on the stars, society, and man's journey through the universe. Like the Creationists popping up on the scene around the same time, Goodavage takes issue with materialistic scientists and their billion year spree through evolutionary theory - after all, Goodavage tell us, the scientists claim that every organism on earth has the same genetic code, and how can that be possible? He's either clumsily misunderstood basic science writing or he's just grandstanding for his alternative audience. Another good bit has Goodavage asking us how so many cultures around the world could develop the "same" science of astrology if it's all a load of bull ... this ignores that the Chinese, Mayan, Egyptian, and European (and on and on) versions of astrology are all very different from each other, which is something Goodavage acknowledges elsewhere in the text! You're killing me, Joe! Apparently none of this fast and loose foolishness was a deal breaker for fellow superstar astrologer Sydney Omarr, who blurbs the book as a challenge to the open-minded.

As in his Strangest chapter, much opprobrium is heaped onto unnamed astrologers for giving the field a bad name with their poor work, as if Goodavage isn't guilty of all that and more. Noted fringe figure Richard Hoagland makes an early appearance, before his NASA coverup career - here he's just a concerned astronomer, saying we'd better find someone out there to talk to, and fast! In keeping with Goodavage's basically positive visions in the book, there's a brief bright spot (amidst a field usually littered with Cold War paranoia) where he reminds us that though America may see itself as a shining beacon of progress, the Communist Bloc thinks the same about themselves, and many worldwide agree. Regardless, Goodavage writes, all this "progress" is enforced at the barrel of a gun! That's part of his point about historical cycles and the relativism of our supposed "fact based" systems for navigating this crazy mixed up world. Of course, he just happens to think that he's got it all figured out himself ...

Goodavage, captivated by the unknown

To grant Goodavage some more credit, the actual how-to work on doing your own star chart is very involved, and it would take someone well-versed in the field to determine if he's bullshitting, giving bad advice, or just copy and pasting basic instructions - that ain't me! Apologies if that's a letdown after all this kvetching. All I can say is, the attendant fluff is simultaneously entertaining and aggravating. Joseph F. Goodavage, I shake my fist at you on the posthumous astral plane!

Goodavage's daughter Maria is also an author, albeit on more down-to-earth subjects.

Signet Books, 1975 (original pub. 1968)