BRAK: WHEN THE IDOLS WALKED by John Jakes

Once again, Brak the Barbarian finds himself far from home and further still from Golden Khurdisan, as he washes up on the damned shores of Rodar just in time for an invasion by the Gordmen and a merchant's coup backed by dark magics. Heads will roll and the walls will come tumbling down when THE IDOLS WALK!

Still alive with pleasure!

There's spoilers ahead, so beware. The biggest reveal I'll drop is the novel's greatest feat: the sublime imagery of a bronze age mech battle, as Brak takes control of a 150 foot tall goddess statue with pulleys and levers and maneuvers it against a similar gigantic idol possessed by the spirit of a mad strangler! Readers back in 1964 knew what they were in for when they read the original version of this tale in Fantastic Stories:

Over at Dark Worlds Quaterly, writer G.W. Thomas has compiled an excellent history of Brak which details some of the chronology and editing behind Jakes' series, as short stories were compiled and fixed up into "new" novels, and old works were slotted into new order. Thomas notes that in this entry there's no mention of Nestorianism or of the evil amir Septegundus, things that would become central to Brak tales written later. When this story was reworked and republished as a novel in 1978, Jakes didn't bother with any updates on that, and honestly I'm glad he didn't - it's unnecessary!

The article over at Dark Worlds Quarterly ... check it out!

The cover art is another pleasingly weird tableau by the artist "CM" with Brak attacking the idol Jaal. The stone menace has been given two eyes here when in the text he's a cyclopean monster, but we're used to that detail fuzziness now with these covers. It's still an atmospheric image and "CM" has served Brak well in the Pocket Books line. The art from Tower Books is serviceably dramatic:

Some of the plot beats are by the numbers, maybe owing to its fix-up origins, but nevertheless Jakes is a pro as always at transporting us to his weird worlds and immersing us in Brak's struggle. Our hero is pretty noble here, throwing in with the doomed Rodarians owing to their kindness in nursing him back to health earlier. Things move along at breakneck speed and Brak also tangles with an evil priest caste who rule a subterranean hell-pit, a three headed hydra bird, and more phantasmagorical sea serpents than you can shake a stick at! When the Idols Walked earns a nice 3/4 rating as superior barbarian storytelling.

Art taken from the Dark Worlds Quarterly article

Pocket Books, 1978

COSMIC DEBRIS: The Crone Papers

Backpage ad for a magick "participation newsletter," taken from an issue of Société:

"Société is the periodically published journal of Technicians of the Sacred, The International Religious and Magical Order of Société, La Couleuvre Noire, and The Neo-African Network, and Ordo Templi Orientis Antiqua. It is dedicated to the preservation and practice of Voudoun and other Neo-African religious systems, its magic, art and culture."

From Société, Volume 2 - Number 2, 1989.

BIGFOOT: AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE MONSTER by Daniel Cohen

Watch out! This is a Bigfoot primer for younger readers by reliable pop-sci writer Daniel Cohen which rivals "adult" titles for its measured style and broad coverage of AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE MONSTER. All the usual Bigfoot history is here, with Ape Canyon, Albert Ostman, the Patterson-Gimlin Film, Momo, the Minnesota Iceman, and so on. Cohen even mentions William Roe's sighting and includes artist Morton Kunstler's recreated drawing of the event, but leaves out any description of big Bigfoot breasts, perhaps in deference to his young audience. The Roe/PGF connection would have to wait a few more years to be made explicit ...

There's lots of maps and illustrations, including several of Momo and two different cartoons where the gag is that Bigfoot's a tiny little guy with giant feet.

Cohen does a bang up job relating recent Bigfoot sightings, including many involving UFOs and other high strangeness. The most disturbing of these concerns one Stephen Pulaski of Uniontown, PA, who witnesses some hairy beings next to a parked UFO in a field. He tries shooting them, but nothing doing, and they leave. Later, he suffers apocalyptic nightmares!

The only letdown is Chapter 10, Bigfoot History, where Cohen's normally meticulous style slips and he throws in a handful of Native American "Bigfoot" stories that really seem nothing like it  - he calls the dread Wendigo a "huge creature of terrifying strength" and says it eats human flesh, but leaves out the demonic qualities and function of the cannibalism taboo entirely! One wonders how the other monsters like the Mahoni of the Yukon (not given a source), the Enemy (described by the Tlicho or Dogrib people), and the Gugwes (described by the Micmac) are being misrepresented. Cohen does accurately describe the original Sasquatch people related by J.W. Burns as being "wild Indians" as opposed to apemen.

Cohen tracks Bigfoot all over the country, and worldwide too, including those wonderful Almas who don't seem to get much press nowadays. It's an honest survey of a varied subject that normally gets a ... let's say selective presentation in many other sources. One odd detail sticks out though, when Cohen says that no one knows how the term "Abominable Snowman" came about. Real Bigfoot heads will know the popular story of newsman Henry Newman's coinage of the term, as related by Ivan T. Sanderson and others in Bigfoot literature. Was Cohen ignorant of the story or did he just not believe it?

Cohen doesn't discriminate in whether a Bigfoot sighting is proper or not, and as mentioned the freaky Hairy Bipeds of the '70s Midwest UFO waves get ample inclusion, including credit to Jerome Clark and Loren Coleman's Creatures of the Outer Edge (1978). His final chapter goes over competing theories for the monster, from simple apeman to surviving proto-human to space visitor to inter-dimensional ultraterrestrial to all out hoax. This volume would have been a good introduction to the subject for young readers back in 1982, and despite some nitpicking by your reviewer still holds interest today as a very professional presentation of a well trod subject.

Bigfoot: America's Number One Monster is available to read and download at archive dot org.

An Archway Paperback Original, 1982

SWORDS OF THE BARBARIANS by Kenneth Bulmer

IN THE TRADITION OF CONAN ... again! It's back to the well for more barbarian thrills as author Kenneth Bulmer hits us with the generically titled SWORDS OF THE BARBARIANS!

Bulmer is probably best know for his long running Dray Prescot series, a planetary romance series inspired by Burroughs' Barsoom stories that ran 50+ volumes! Here he serves up some swords and sorcery stew with a rather thin stock, but hiding some surprisingly spicy bits.

Kenneth Bulmer (1921-2005)

Twin heroes Torr and Tara have come to Gamelon Town as a leg of their vague quest for Jaran the All-Seeing, and nobody's having a good time. There's always that tension in swords and sorcery, of the "uncivilized" barbarians against the corrupt and decadent city dwellers, but here Bulmer sends it to new heights. Torr and Tara are terrible guests, stealing chickens and turning scumbag officials into mice with nude magic while just generally knocking shit around. Meanwhile, the Gamelon Townies are awful hosts, wannabe rapists corrupt to a man and ruled by scheming wizards who commune with demon familiars. No wonder then that Torr and Tara welcome the depredations of the invading Garthlanders ...

Belmont Tower continues its cheapjack tradition of shoddy releases, with typos galore and a back cover summary that manages to describe siblings Torr and Tara as lovers! To be fair to the publishers, Torr does think his sister is pretty sexy, and gets lost in thought at least twice over her hot body. Hoo boy ... Tara is a sexy witch who has to get naked to work her magic, and much plot hay is made over a cheap boot buckle preventing her complete disrobing. She's also tied up and leered over multiple times by various villains, and eventually cursed with the Black Bodice - a hot little leotard number that slowly constricts its victim to death! This is one of the sleaziest swords and sorcery titles I've read thus far, and also one of the goofiest. Bulmer fills his fantasy world with wild creatures like the teryxes (gigantic griffins) and the eight legged sjeeds, both used as mounts by the militant men of Garthland.

Fear them ...

At one point Bulmer references a far Khurdisran, and Belmont Tower's quality control is so poor that I'm not sure if he meant to explicitly write Khurdisan as a nod to John Jakes' barbarian hero Brak. In either case, it's not always the best idea to remind readers of other, better stories they could be enjoying. Bulmer also gives us the usual fantasy names like Frelgar, Kar Sjontu, Shishu-Sji, and others, with many foul and unknown gods cursed in passing - "By the swag belly of Obese Rumphaldi Himself!" Some of them land, some don't, and Bulmer's world feels more like a DnD pastiche than a fully realized setting. Some decent character work is appreciated, and sidekick Frelgar is especially well drawn as an "unfrocked philosopher" - a former wizard who now refuses to practice magic. The invading Garthlanders are a curious bunch, a conquering army of honor obsessed nobles who are treated more sympathetically than the Gamelon defenders. Torr sums it up near the end with disquieting relevance for recent events:

"Now may your people take possession of this place, Kar Sjontu," Torr said gravely. "I know nothing of the rights and wrongs of a whole people thus migrating and taking over another habitation. But I do know what my sister and I - and Frelgar - suffered here. You are very welcome."

Rare enough for Belmont Tower, we (sort of) get some illustrations, with old drawings of monsters reproduced from "The Book of Grotesques," presumably to inspire us about the many demons that Torr has to slay in duels with the wizards Zirmazd and Quapartz. The cover is another banger from artist Ken Barr, and typical of the genre is only loosely connected to the actual story - the villains are red heads, and there are flying monsters of a kind.

The New English Library put out the striking cover above, with beautiful '70s type, while managing to accurately relate Torr and Tara. For a semi-effective genre entry, Swords of the Barbarians earns a mixed 2/4 rating.

Belmont Tower Books, 1970

COVER UPDATES: SIGNS OF LOVE

An updated edition of this astrology love guide from Love Boat lady Jeraldine Saunders. Courtesy Pinnacle Books, 1980 (original pub. 1977).